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SINCE 14TH JULY 2008




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EXITS.
Dearling
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Mia
Jie Xi
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I wonder how I'm going to persevere through the whole hearing,
I know it's gonna be breathtaking because baby it's the last call.
But well,everyone has high high high hopes you'll be fine.
Me too.Okay,relax jocelyn.____

Today's a normal day in school but cliques saw radiance on my face.
And deep down I know why,you are the reason.
Boyfriend,I know you'll be fine,right?
Yes,another reason for me to smile.

(': The dimpled smile you love,here you go.









The only panadol I consume,addictive and addictive.
He healed me.

I might sound another time like a maddog but after I visited him today,I felt all fine.I still went for breakfast with auntie,shopped around with her,happily took a bus to chermont's place,laughed at kangxi,laughed at my alltime fave hk movie,burst into laughter instead of tears when I thought of him doing funny stuffs,and decided to go on a movie date with her because I felt happy today,and because I saw you boyfriend,and I see the day coming finally,no more 22 days,no more 10 or 9....etc days.To make it short,it's only a weekend I got to endure,and I know I'm strong enough for that.That explains my tearless goodbye this morning.Quickly love,I've got a little little surprise for you.

Anyway,catched THE COFFIN.and I fcuking swear it sucks.Plus we were surrounded by a whole cohort of GINNAS cursing and swearing,the BENGS whistling to half-nude scenes and the LIANS screaming for nothing and the UNCLE with his family that yawned so loudly he thought he was home!And I swear I'm not lying,my best friend CHERMONT LAU actually turned around and ask them to SHUT UP.Oh gosh.You guys should have been there.It was impressive.LOL.But I knew one of them thou,so maybe that's the most genuine reason why I did not flare up.Anyway.homesweethome after movie.I'm a good girl waiting for her good boy.(:

I'm addicted to you,one and only one.







Damn.I'm sick again,sick for the bloody second time within 2 weeks.The same symptoms.And because of the massive headache,fever,sore throat,gastric,all the pukings and pains all over my body,I can't visit you!)): Baby,I heard you're sick too,coughing badly?Gosh.Please take good care of yourself baby.I miss you,the same.Though I know I'll see you really soon,everyday still pass really slowly.Have you been missing me?Cuz I sneezed.(: If not you,then it must be some other guys la is it?Lol.

Baby,no matter what I'm seeing you tmr,even if I need to drag myself there.I need to see you,you're like my daily dose.And at the rate that I'm talking about you the whole time in front of chermont,she said you are my atlantica.And I said,'WOW.true.he's my DOTA,COMBAT ARMS,blahblahblah.'So how much you love gaming,I love you that much,and probably more than that.The outcome we went through together,it's finally coming to an end.But now,the most crucial outcome we have to go through once again on the third.I seriously hope you'll hold my hands in the car,back home.3 weeks,very enough already.Another week will just make me faint and I miss eating DINNER!Okay,that's a sad joke.Quickly get out of there,come back to me.I guess my posts are far too emotional.When you're out,every post will be a happy one I know.Because,I'm steadily prepared for the aftermath.I love you.like more than loving myself.

SEE YOU TMR BELOVED.
And thank you babe,for covering my head with your book under that scorching sun.You're like sweeter than wy,because he only use his hand to cover my head when it's raining,which didn't help much.But well,actually his way was more love,because he does every little thing for me.Baby,please don't stop doing that,I love it.((: And babe,okay,both of you are equally love.OKAY?((:Sad people contradict.



For these 2 over weeks without you around...I think the amount of tears let out from within me could already fill up to pails and pails,no joke.Sometimes they will flow when I'm closing my eyes,trying to walk into dreams.And sometimes,they will be all soaked in my pillow when the mornings come.And I thought I did say every second was a step to cuddle in your arms once again.Hence,I thought I would feel better as each day passes.But now,I felt my assumptions are merely mistakes,I am wrong.

Yes,chermont said it's so near yet so far.She totally understand what I meant,totally.
Every day nearer to feeling your everything again,I feel further away from you.3 weeks of painful bearings,I can't feel your hugs anymore.Slowly as each night passes,I feel stranger to everything about you,I lost the feelings of your hands and body.

1. I love you
2. I love you
3. I love you
   The three things I want you to know.
   

And i think my dear you,you are dominating me.
I feel like the vulnerable one,no more the itsyourbad girlfriend.

And I miss you like crrrazy,if only you're here with me tonight.
And and,.. baby I don't feel sober,in a way.
I'm waiting and waiting,never was there a day I could sleep before I tear...
Till yesterday night,the first night I slept without having to tear..
But again,I woke up crying cuz I had a bad nightmare of you having another girl.

Gosh,can someone like save me?Because everyone's saying I look fcuking pale.
And is it a good thing my beloved houpapa said I slimmed down.No it's not.
I rather you feed me baby,to be what I used to be.I seriously feel unhealthy.
But I just can't swallow anything,can't drink anything besides liquor and beer.

Whatever.turning in.I love you baby,like your level importance just escalated to the peak.
Come back to me,I feel the need to hold your hands.
I feel like I needed a comfort cozy hug and only you could provide me with.
I LOVE YOU,GOODNIGHT BABY.



Eyes on you,my racerw.







I yearn to blog with a smile.when is everything coming to an end?on the third.
Don't worry that single bit baby,I saw your reaction when you thought black bands aren't love no more.How would I put them away,it's our bond,it's with me 24/7.I'll safekeep them and return it to you on the third I promise.(:




From the first blog post I read... it contains love and memories we both shared.from the times I struggled upon choices to be made... slowly I'm all yours.The good times we had,and then the rough patches we went through... I read it again and again.It's not like you will be gone for years,but 3 weeks is already enough for me to feel lost.

I'm waiting,counting down to the last sec.
Till the very moment they uncuff your hands..
Till then all the pains and fears shall be healed.
And finally,the days left will soon be a one-digit.finally.








Baby,I bathed for our baobei.I'm so proud of myself!But,my fingernails damn dirty.(:














No one will understand the pain I'm going through.

To see the signboard of where I was heading to in uncle's car...
To anxiously wait for our turn to visit you...
To see the place you're in for the next 2 weeks plus...
To go through 3 locked doors before being able to see you...

And when I thought I could hold your hand to ease our pain...
I saw that glass that separated both of us...
The way you teared telling me the magical three words...
The way I cried my eyes out saying goodbye to you...

Baby,I'm heartbroken.
And it hurts like hell when the operator said we have 2 minutes left and the speaker died off.
Are you putting up a brave front smiling to me yet again?
Then why do I sense the pain in you...
I'd been stoning the whole time everyday...
When I see you, I cry because I can't be there...how your back felt pain I hope to be your pillow all night long.
I need you,I just need you.

Every night before I sleep, I will write a letter to you. And you can't imagine how tormenting it was to hold back my tears before it stained the letter.Baby...I have all whom I need around me everyday...But no one can heal me,except you.

Remember the words written on my palm...
I'm waiting,I will persevere on,till the day you come back to me.
And what if when you're out...I have your initials on me?

It breaks my heart to see you cry...because you have always been strong in my eyes.
It hurts me to see you in tears...because it's always you who wipes away my tears.
And thank you baby,for asking me to wait for you...
Cuz from this I know,you aren't pushing me away...

Ilovewy.just him. Another 18 days...I miss your hugs boy.



To even blog about you right now,my heart is aching so badly.What's worse than not having you by my side for 20days?Nothing could be worse.I'm so afraid of every night that comes along from now because I know I'll be alone at home,crying my eyes out because of you.I didn't want to tell you how vulnerable I feel,so it won't be mentioned till you're out.I want to be strong for you,even if I have to lie.Im sorry baby,but I can't bear for myself to be a burden to you when you're already feeling so emotionally worn out there.The moment court was dismissed,I know there wont be a miracle that the judge might return to his seat to change the sentence.The overflowing hurt in me was so unbearable I just couldn't refrain from bursting out into tears.When you were being handcuffed,the sound ascended into the echos of the solemn court.I was at a loss at that moment,I just know how badly I wanted to be there for you but I can't.How pathetic it is to see you being escorted into the room that I can never enter,and how hurtful it was to see that smile of yours yet in tears.Baby,you're so strong,even till the last sec we parted ways...you didn't want me to feel upset,you didn't want me to see you flooded with tears,so you swallowed them down and showed me the smile I always loved.I cried all the way,I didn't even care how people looked at me.I don't care a fcuk,because all I knew I just left someone so important to me behind.Baby you promised to hold my hand in the car back home,just like how you did when we headed there.But I took your seat in the end,and the one sitting beside me wasn't you but your sister.I don't know how to keep life going for the next 20 days,I don't know what to do,when I know I'll cry to sleep every night and wake up with tears every morning.Your dad fetched me over to chermont's place after getting my stuffs from your place.It already felt so different because I never was at your place without you around.I packed quickly and left,I just felt myself in a huge mess.That indescribable pain inside me,I was going crazy.I cried once I reached her place,before she could even lock her doorgates.I stepped on her toes and I didn't even apologies cuz I felt so tight I couldn't utter any word out of me.Baby I said I was prepared,but apparently I was living in denial all the time.Till today,I realised I wasn't ready for you leaving me alone over here,I need you,like everyday.It is my bad,for all the lies I made that I didn't even know I said.I know it's miserable inside there,how I hope I could be there calming you down,holding your hands tight to mine so you won't start gripping your own hands ever so violently you might hurt yourself.Please,for you I beg...please don't exert violence on yourself.I want to see you the way you were on 3rd November.Every second is a step closer to hugging you again.I miss you badly already,but I know you can't be here.It's okay baby,I understand.I met up with ys together with chermont and nicole.Nic bought my fave rojak and red milk tea,for me.It's been long but girl,thanks for being there once again.All appreciated.Headed over to tm with chermont,ys and auntie.She paid for the books we picked for you.Baby I picked a F1 magazine for you,ys picked a bike magazine for you,and I picked a book about rules of life for you,through agreement with our bookworm chermont.Auntie wanted to get you harry potter but we weren't sure of which book you were at.

Baby,feel lucky you have the best brothers in your life.For a small sketch book I bought to write to you,Willie came down all the way from school,Aaron came from camp,Boon's coming later.Just to write something to you.Plus,ys and chermont accompanied me to everywhere I went after I left your house just now.Bing's working,Huanghui's busy,Kheehong's in camp.But all of them cared really alot.And auntie just called to ask me over for dinner at your place,but I really didn't have the appetite but I'll visit them as soon as possible so no worries alright?

I love you baby,it's another tormenting 20days.



This thought never stopped running through my mind...will I smile on the 14th this month?Baby it's our 3rd monthsary.Will the outcome be good news so we could take a relieved break after struggling for 3 over months,worrying about the verdict?I hope and I pray.

Went to aunt's house in the afternoon to peep at her newborn baby Timothy.Omg.He's so cute.(though all babies look alike)I carried his tender body in my arms,with him opening his eyes slowly looking at his cousin ME!He's soooo cute okay.Will post his picture very soon,when I have the time and energy to.I feel so drained,with all the emotions inside me.

Baby was supersweet to come all the way to Clementi to fetch me,and I'm sorry to you cuz you bumped into that man in white.$40 flew because of me!): I really feel bad dear!I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry!Headed over to church and den to his grandma's place for dinner.

As usual,met up with skinnyhulk.Rode over to fetch chermont at bedok,had yummylicious bbq chicken wings at 85 and then to dino for teh-ice.(with kh)Home after that.(:


And as I knelt down today...
my hands held tight...
things flooded my mind...
I just hope everything will turn out fine.

Listen to my prayers tonight...
I pray for mercy...
for the one I love...
I just hope for a chance granted.

And baby do you remember I told you on the 12th,13th and 23rd every month is a bad day for me,and that I might look gloomy or stuff like that.Not anymore.Not on my mind,not affecting already.But particularly,on the 13th this month,it's going to be a stressful day,you know i know.Let's pull through this together baby.I love you.





And I know it's never you to be like that,to me.You always put up a brave front,giving me that manly hug,telling me everything will be fine.Finally,you poured out everything to me.And no,you're not a weakling...you're my strong boy.Thank you for finally giving me this chance to be there telling you what you used to tell me.Details I won't elaborate,this is for just you and me to know,to remember deep down in our hearts forever.

3 months,and what we'd gone through,it's just not like the usuals.The things we went through together,all the laughters and sorrows,the quarrels and makeups,all so different.But one thing I'm sure of,this will keep us strong and strengthen our bonds.3 months,a quarter of 2008,all the ups and downs,whether good or bad,I will all keep in mind,because it's about you,and me.

All the unconditonal love you'd given me,all the rides from here to there without a complaint,all my favourite treats you never ever fail to give just to cheer me up.All the long hours chatting on the phone till the sun comes out,all the 'tactics' you used just to catch my attention,all the times you said 'i only fetch joce'.lol.And I have so much more to list,3 months of memories with neverending laughters and joys.all these memories,they are something money can't pay to own.(:
To relate back to the day you got caught,the pain and everything seems so fresh,like something that happened just last morning.The tears rolling down my cheek from time to time,even when I'm outside with my friends and families.The thought of thinking how depressing it'll be for you inside that dark room,I always hope I could be there giving you the tightest hug to cover you from the cold nights.The struggle I experienced when I can't be there at your most lowdown period in life.That sour feeling which followed me 24/7,no matter how hard I tried not to think,you kept appearing on my mind.And then I started looking at every bike that passed by my sight.It's traumatizing for me to even think back.What's worse if it is going to happen another time?I don't know.I only know you are worth my waiting for.I will.And no matter how depressing it'll be,i'll be strong...just for you.Love,let's pray for the best,we must be optimistic and things WILL turn out well.And when we're sincere,there might just be a miracle.Let's pray for mercy,let's pray to god...let him know I can't afford to lose you by sight...even for a day.I love you,so let's face this together.Never...never...please...don't push me away,because that's the last thing I would like to do.




ARGH crap.So I skipped school today.NO-I did not go shopping.NO-I did not party.NO-Baby's working so the more I have no reasons to skip school at all.YES,that bloody irritating gastric isn't going away.The pain is sticking with me like superglue.SHIATE.So i got to go to the polyclinic alone,without him.Rwarr.if only he was there...then I don't have to nua with my psp.(though if he's there,he's probably going to nua with my psp)Haha.But yup.Met up with him for dinner.He had his dinner at home,but really sweet to fetch me for dinner at whitesands.Flying kiss for you love.

Oh dearling,I met up with nick and told him that bike doesn't belong to you,it belongs to my boy.And yup,he only realised it.Haha.Super funny la.Heh heh.((:Anyway,I know you're surprised that I met up with him alone without chuan.No no,I have no scandals.lol.Okay.a short post today.I'm still in some kind of undefined pain.Haha.Goodnight people.This girl's gonna turn in early tonight.








I shan't say where baby and I had dinner at but yes,we vomited...together.What a shame to 'discriminate' against my favourite teh-ice.And I hope the pain we're going through now isn't the symptoms of food poisoning.What the heck.And I used to think we can only comsume 'wrong' stuff at unhygenic coffeeshops.Never expect something like this to happen at an air-conditioned food court.Got us vomiting together for a few times in a row.And roger roger baby,I just sent a complaint email to them.They better get back soon if not I'll sue them with my monopoly money.Haha.so not funny.

For the whole of today,all the things on my mind are pressing hard on me,and I almost went berserk thinking about them,esp the sad msg I received when I woke up.But oh well,I'm glad and more than relieved everything's back on track for us.And I HAVE to add on,ni shi huai ren,I'm huai nu ren.We are quits.((:

I'm sorry for all the hurt I caused in you...
I'm sorry for that foolish decision that was made in a moment of impulse...
I'm sorry for being so heartless...
I'm sorry for guarding my own bloody principles that wasn't a big deal at all...
I'm sorry for you being late for work today...
I'm sorry for giving you all those unnecessary pressure since last night...
I'm sorry for being such a weakling,giving up on something that was built up with uncountable laughters and tears...
I'm sorry for telling you it'll be better if we go back to being friends once again,thinking we can really go back to how we used to be...

But after I saw you just now...
I know we won't make this relationship work any better if I chose to let go...
I realised we're better off being together again,because only that will make me a happy folk once again...
I don't want us to be like this anymore...
I want us to be happy,happy,happy...
I will overcome any problems we are going to have in the future,together with you...
I will stop living in denial,thinking that letting go is the best solution...
I don't want the break I initiated last night...
Because I found out it's still better with you around...
Because I want to make things work between us,no matter how hard it's going to be...
Because I regretted everything I said...

Thank you baby,for the unconditonal love you still chose to give...
Thank you baby,for forgiving me this time round...
Thank you baby,for not giving up once again...
There won't be a next time.

No more tears...
Even there'll be another time,we'll wipe them away and overcome it together,right?
And I'm already not used to you calling me by my name,I'm used what we have now...you plus me.

I love you,and I won't forget you fed me the sweetest popcorns.
P/S The reason for my blogpost title,it's unforgettable because you were there patting my back...showing me you'll always and always be there when I need you.

Before I go,I want to declare that I'm happy because I can be there for you on that crucial day.
A PICTURE FOR YOU LOVE!

One Picture That Tells All.I'm here.

GOOD NORNING PEOPLE!
I can't sleep I can't sleep
Can't sleep means can't sleep.
ARGH.

So how was Saturday?It was...fun?..or happy?All good.Meeting baby equals to good day.And why?Probably cuz it's always him who makes me smile,mostly with his crappyyethilarious jokes.(: And he RARELY make me pissed,except when he starts to get cranky and naggy.lol.

Went over to ys's place for dinner after church.Auntie cooked the seabass we caught the other day.She fried it and it was lagi delicious!Superb is the real word.Caught a movie at tm with baby,ys,mont,quan & aaron,that movie 'Connected'.Quite cool eh.Something kinda different.But I think the best part through the movies wasn't the movie,it was the moment when he fed me popcorn!Extremely,tremendously,incredibly,fcuking-ly SWEET.Haha.Am I exaggerating?Muahaha.Dino-ed with all except aaron.Had a good laugh at how ys teased chermont about sharkfin.Ridiculously hilarious.Haha.He said chermont should open a 'sharkfin funfair' where the boomerangs are made of sharkfins and blahblahblah.Shall not elaborate because you guys won't feel it's funny anyway.Baby joined in and yes,he blabbered alot too.Bueytahan.

SO yes yes yes,saturday wasn't boring.BUT why can't I sleep?Okay.random.=X






So I went fishing with baby,skinny hulk and babe on wed and thurs.It was fun though.I think it's my very first experience to slack around awaiting for a dumb fish to eat the bait for so many hours!Lol.But well,i always thought it's boring.Now I know it depends on who you are with.It was fun to go fishing with them,though.(:

Wednesday night was a failure.We went to bedok jetty and went home with no fish.I mean at least if we did catch seaweeds or shoes or whatever,it's better than nothing at all right?So yes.Empty-handed on the first night.Last night,we had good returns.Went to tanahmerah ferry terminal.I don't know if anyone knows about that place cuz it was clear when we were there.A super good spot with stone chairs and the wind blew like free.Very nice.A very appropriate place to get emo.And you can see planes just above you,lagi best.And yes,they caught a seabass.A big one.Check out for pictures below.We were ecstatic,but only for like 10mins den all acted like nothing happen,continued with our own stuffs.Haha.Temporary enthusiasm.Baby absurdly claimed he's a fisherman-to-be but I so don't want him to stink of fishy smell in the future(because I won't be able to differentiate between 'fishy smell' and 'smell something fishy' from him) so dear,DROP THAT WEIRD-tothemax THOUGHT!I rather you set up the sunflower weed plantation with chermont.Haha.Well,skinny hulk caught another one,but to much disappointment it's a catfish.Freed it.Baby and I had a part-time job today,that's to pack food back from changi.And I was so careless,cuz I lost the lightsticks on the way back.Still had to trouble baby to ride back to search for it but to no avail.Like a needle in the haystack.Damn my carelessness.Sorry to you love,it's my fault.

Okay.So we were happy folks,heading home with the seabass,though it has started to stink a little.Woohoo.

Oh anyway,I seemed to be banned to tag on my fcuking own blog.no idea why.
So here's the replies to the tags.

Joce-wy: i figured out how i'm going to punish you.love me like now for a long long time.(: omg.am i starting to get cheesy?
Joce-justina: why so dead?i have no idea.am not a popular chick my dear sister.lol.



Posting the big seabass picture.Shout OMG!The 2 enthusiastic 'fishermen'.


























OH!The catfish that skinny hulk caught.
















One Random Picture.
















A lagi-dusty signboard,that got our hands all blue.
But no frets right my racerw?



i love you baby.you know there's always something you do everyday that make my day like I make yours?it's your smile too.i would like you to always smile because i don't like it when you look glum.would like you to smile all the time like you used to when i'm around,in the past.i don't want anything or anyone to snatch your smile away.know how important and how much it matters to me now?just a smile,it can make my day,nothing but the truth.




P/S I'm too lazy to upload more random pictures because blogger can only upload one at a time,TODAY!not any day but TODAY when I so wanted to blog!And so I'm even lazier to blog about today.Will post up soon.