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SINCE 14TH JULY 2008




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Dearling
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I love my boyfriend.



Listening to that song over and over again.The lyrics repeating in my ears.I suddenly felt 'wow...everything's so different now'.The things I used to do I don't do anymore,the feeling aren't the same like how it used to be.Some are good changes,but some...they just prick my heart.Oh my god...that's me now.Like a lunatic blogging at this hour.I don't know,but I just don't need sleep.And who knows what time I'll just lay and knock out just like that?I haven't had a proper meal for 2 days already.I'm not desperate to go on a diet neither do I have the intention to do so but I just can't eat.Drinking's still alright but it's even lesser than it already is.Am I having depression?Oh gosh.I always thought I'll be the last to get depression because I'm those cheerful-crazy-hyperactive-straightforward sort of person,but now I feel I'm everything but them.

Whatever people.I'm just going to close my fcuking eyes and tell myself nothing's going to pull me down,at all.And that includes those issues that are of high leveled importance in my life.

Someone once told me; Memories will always be memories.In certain situations you can only miss it,you can never get it back.Look forward,await for more happy things to put into your archive of memories.

I rate it: 10stars -cause somehow I feel it does make sense.(:



...to tell me you are surprised I blogged!

No time.
No energy.
No.
No.
No.

And most importantly,nothing to blog about.

Say hello to crankiness.
Say hello to boredom.
Say hello to all my undefined emotions.

So how's life for me in school?Plain SHIATE.If only i did not have to retake everything over again.Like for one whole year okay,how much more irritating can it be.The trips to school are unbearable,the early morning rantings from mummy are unbearable,the hot sun and heavy rains are unbearable.

Bearable part about school: The usual cliques.At least they made my day in school,laugh at my jokes(sometimes) and most importantly,4 out of 6 of us fag!So yes,that goes to show I'm out of class for hours slacking at prata shop and when we're done,class is almost over.

Every day starting from today is going to be crazy,that's how I analyse and have no reasons to support what I have mentioned.*ahhh cranky*

Dearling,I still can't adapt to not seeing you.Though I have things to do,have school,have a boyfriend,have my friends,but I miss you like crazy.And I'm serious.Like when can you give me a hug and tell me not to fret because I have you?Like when will we cry over our problems together?Like when will you use a piece of tissue to make a rose for me when I'm down?Screw it.You better come back soon.And and and,when can we chat and gossip at east coast again?When can we sing our favourite songs together again?When can we shout and laugh like no one's business again?When can we bicker again?Okay,that's out of point.Lol.

When?1-2 years later.You know it's very long!Sickeningly long.Whatever,you just take good care and appear at my doorstep soon.Stupid hx,snatch her away,far far away from me!Hahaha.it's a joke okay.Knowing how well you and his marriage is,I'm glad!(: And shoo your bffs' away for good!They can't make you laugh and tear like I can!RIGHT?yes,right.(:

It's a happening year for me.Screw 2008.Good things,bad things.Like maciam I'd been through so much.Kinship,friendship,relationship.All 'smelly smelly' also got something to think about.Whatever,hopefully god would make it good and well for me for the rest of the year.

I know the scars on your hand is never going to fade off...
but I hope the scars in you are slowly healing...
I heard about your call...
Heard about how you're doing...

I love you boyfriend,never want to compare anything about you with him.My expectations are high,so high I think it's not making us work out at all.I need time,but can you give that time to me?There are many times I just wanted to give up on us,many times I felt it's better off being friends after all.At least we won't have so much to fret about,cuz it's slowly turning it to be a burden to you.I would like things to turn out well,hopefully.The smile I have across my face everyday don't seem to appear as much as it used to be.I don't know whether you'll get to read this in the end,I don't know whether I should express myself like that or not.So if it's meant to be,you'll highlight these part of the screen cuz the text is in black.BUT,if you do see,I don't want us to quarrel or debate because from now on,I rather things between us work out on its own,cuz on my part,trying too hard is making it seem like I'm being oversensitive and paranoid.So boyfriend,let's hope the bond we have created over these few months will overcome this unseen barrier.I love you.Really love you.Bcuz every little things you do for me,till today,is much appreciated.


Skyping skyping.Gunbound Gunbound.Nights people!

So I'd been missing in action for some time,yet again.My 1week school holiday is coming to an end.In fact,it has ended but it's just because I don't have school on mon.This 1 week was like very normal,like any day.Cancelled a few plans with those beloved friends of mine.

AND so I'm sorry Angie and Dondon for not turning up at the birthday party;
big sorry to josh for not turning up at his tekong last party.
sorry for not being there to be the entertainer.muahaha.you all had better agree to the fact it'll be more lively with me around.okay.thick-skinned.but it's not a joke this time round.lol.I will meet up with you for dinner this coming week to make it up.(:

Oh.K-ed with babe and quan that day.it was fun la,though somehow it's a rare combination of kakis.haha.and there's another day I watched 'mirrors' with him,kh,kathy,ys,aaron and my lovely babe.it was SCARY okay.And he felt he was dancing,all those lockin' poppin'-the result of getting shocks by me throughout the whole show.hilarious.i got shocked even by a dog in the show,got shocked by a thump on the door while walking down the staircase after the show.so yah,in short,i'm timid.darn those horror flicks.

There's also grandma's chalet just last two days at aloha.Had a great time,and even a better time because he and his 'gang of bros' plus babe joined me there.First night was daidee with cousins.Super fun.Talked to them about life,whoosh...I feel like an underaged auntie.Haha.But HELLO,better keep everything I said in mind.I don't harm my loved ones.(:

Oh yeah.family spread news like free.everyone knows i have a boyfriend now.darn those rumours.it's irritating,it made me busy-busy hiding from them before they bomb me with all sorts of questions like 'how old is he?' 'what is he doing now?' 'how many are there in his family?' etc etc etc.Irritated.My cousin knows it best.

I know my post is super random,but still,I'm not going to stop.
Went for manutd chelsea match with babe and joel today.Park scored!wooza.

Okay done.going to viwawa now.Goodnight!

Tada~
Am in a better mood already.
Actually,things were better for me since yesterday.But somehow blogger has a sickening problem,I can't upload pictures so I might as well not blog.But well,finally up.It's all of random pictures taken on different days,no links at all,just pictures that I always wanted to post but yet to do so.Okay.I'm naggy.











And this song's for you,from me.
Look at the lyrics,recap back to 140708..'but an unexpected way,on an unexpected day'.


It is You (I Have Loved)


There is something that I see
In the way you look at me
There's a smile, there's a truth in your eyes

But an unexpected way
On this unexpected day
Could it be this is where I belong?
It is you I have loved all along.

Chorus-

It's no more mystery
It is finally clear to me
You're the home my heart has felt for so long
It is you I have loved all along

There were times I ran to hide
Afraid to show the other side
Alone in the night without you

But now I know just who you are
And I know you hold my heart
Finally, this is where I belong
It is you I have loved all along

Chorus

Over and over
I'm filled with emotion
Your love, it rushes through my veins

And I am filled
With the sweetest devotion
As I look into your perfect face

Chorus

It is you I have loved
It is you I have loved all along




P/S I love you.



So recently,I've been feeling rather down but yup,that's all.Emotions all flooded inside me,I'm suffocating somehow,and as usual I rarely confide.It's mentally-tiring,irritating,sickening,just everything but good.

And worst of all,it's my assessments.Fcuk.I just feel so sick of everything.Life's boring boring boring.Argh.

Got very high on tequila and vodka at nick's party the other night,with babe.Maybe I didn't want to drink so much.But ya,got myself in a mess,quarrelled with boyfriend,puked,and got caught for lying to babe's mummy.You guys see it?I just get the worst of everything,it isn't a choice at all.Sometimes I just want to fcuk the world upside down,give up on everything I possess,just to start a new chapter of life.That selfishness in me is back,somehow.I am so not going to care anymore.Maybe to think for myself is a much better solution.Hah.

I know they have the best interests,of course I know that.But everything are falling out of place,everything's bad for me,so when another adds to my pile of shit,I seriously feel like I'm falling apart.Because one comes after another,one leads to another.Argh.I'm just emotionally worn-out.WORN-OUT,already.If I knew this was coming,I won't change myself in the first place then maybe when all these happened,I'm just going to put it behind me without hesitation.Everybody isn't me,I am myself,so no one's going to know how I really feel at this moment.So don't even think I'm over-reacting over trivial matters,because that isn't the point.I know some of you might be worried about me,but please if you people chanced upon my blog,don't even ask or console me,cuz that's the last thing I need.

Whatever.Just need some time of my own,complete my fcuking assignments and fcuk off to somewhere I really belong.I guess this is the most boring post I ever posted.But guess what,I don't need anyone to read it anyway.I'm off to do my adesign.It's better than making myself feel worse,better than having that heart-aching feeling inside me.Anyway,I have no idea why my heart is aching.

Might not be blogging for some time.Will give myself some time to be left alone.Know isolation better.And yes,the conclusion for everything,life disgusts me.that's it.



I am feeling tired.

If you don't know,saying goodbye like that left me with a very sour feeling for the past ten mins.If you don't know,i'm not going to call and say goodnight because besides that,I don't know what else to say anymore.Yes,I might be paranoid and often sensitive towards the things you said,but all I did was just because you matter.I even thought you lied that your parents were at home because you felt tired to come down to look for me.And yes,I'm sorry about it.But,well,even after I sent that msg to you,you don't seem to realise it's not the first time I'm feeling this way.

Whatever.I'm turning in.
Goodnight.